The Prick of Love’s Waspish Sting

House of Escalus:

Letter of Correspondence by Mercutio Escalus:

9 October, 1892

To my esteemed friends Benvolio and Balthasar —

I write to you not on my own behalf, but on behalf of our fellow friend and your kinsman Romeo. I am certain that the both of you have noted his behavior of late and are in agreement with me when I say that all is not well. Your will forgive my boldness as I mean to express nothing but the most fraternal affection when I say to you that his recent attitude and actions have become intolerable. Knowing him to be a young man of no more than seventeen years, and remembering exquisitely my own humors at that age, I have a full understanding of his self-proclaimed “lovesickness”. I recall not so many years ago when I too found myself in the hottest pursuit of one of the gentler sex, one Miss Isabella Capulet; and my desires for her were quite akin to his own professed affections for Rosaline. However, the extent to which he taken his affections is most unbecoming of fashionable men.

His melancholic recitations of poetry do nothing but depress in both private and public situations. His attempts at elaborate sonnets become more like funeral dirges, and I would sooner take unto my own grave than hear him compare his lady to the goddess Aphrodite once more. His insistence on fasting as a token of his love for Rosaline proves impertinent and frustrates much of our social calendar. In his great pining he has refused my Aunt’s hospitality (just as Rosaline has refused to see him) and I have been forced to make many an apology for his actions. I fear his invitation to the next cotillion at the house of Escalus may be in jeopardy. He mopes about as a child that refuses to be consoled and speaks of nothing but Cupid’s arrow and the heavy burden that love weighs upon his soul.

Of all this you both are well aware. I write to you now in inquisition of what is to be done? What might we do in order to return our fine friend to his regular good humor and quick wit? I’ve an acquaintance that suggested employing the services of a certain apothecary to cure him, but I do not think it at all proper or decent to be in cahoots with such a sordid lot nor do I believe this to be anything more than a case of a love-struck youth with more heart than head.

Any plans we can make or schemes we can discover to aid our love-addled friend would behoove us all. We must rescue young Romeo from the throes of loves in which he is most direly sinking.

Do not misinterpret my meaning by thinking me to believe love a bad thing. On the contrary, though a confirmed bachelor for the time being, I too have felt the prick of love’s waspish sting and know what pleasant company a woman can provide. However I do believe the extremity of Romeo’s case requires our intervention.

I shall expect you both at the house of my Uncle on Tuesday next for luncheon to discuss further the situation. ‘Til then, on lusty gentlemen!

Ever your friend and confidant,
Mercutio